i'm a semi good driver. :] at least that's what the instructor said...i finally had my first lesson today! wooot. ahha. and i'm not dead..so that's an added bonus. anywayyyy. hmm. i know i wanted to write more, but i just can't remember right now. ahhaa. i do remember when cosgrove was gone though, and we had mr. miles as a sub. his instructions were: "let the debate groups who haven't gone yet get together to work. and for the others, allow them to work on their annotated bibliographies. but it it doesn't happen, don't force it." hahha. i love that man. but sometimes i feel bad for him because no one really listens and when the bell rings and he's still talking, everyone just leaves. :/
fhdsklfjsklad. i hate being absentminded. oh well, i guess i will write more later....if i remember.
EDIT.
i was feeling a bit nostalgic (when i was on myspace becuase i'm hardly ever on anymore..) and i decided to llok through all my messages. let me tell you, that was such a terrible idea. now i feel extremely sad and stupid. note to self: never, never, ever do that again.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
woot.
so i just finished my second data sheet for cosgrove! woot. i'm so happy. HAHAHAA. i was prepared AND early this time. :] anyway. these days have been hectic, and i feel to tired to write about my days, but anyway. just something i wanted to share:
I've carefully attached the two files discussed in class today. Do not tear them when you unattached them. If you do, Google "Scotch Tape"and follow instructions.C
okay, this may sound weird, but seriously. Mr. Cosgrove is the cutest little old man. AHHAHAAAHH.
I've carefully attached the two files discussed in class today. Do not tear them when you unattached them. If you do, Google "Scotch Tape"and follow instructions.C
okay, this may sound weird, but seriously. Mr. Cosgrove is the cutest little old man. AHHAHAAAHH.
Monday, March 17, 2008
spring break
doesn't feel so spring breaky. hahha. i'm bored out of my mind. i want to be somewhere else instead of baby sitting. on the bright side, i got my permit! yayyyyy! and my first driving lesson is this friday, good friday. :] and i also got a job offer to be a summer teacher's assistant at sac state for the ats program. i thought that was preeetyy cool. i decided to apply because i thought it'd be a fun experience, so i hope i get it.... (you had to send your transcript along with it...). hm..my life is extremely boring. i've already run out of things to say! hmmm. well, lately i've been "documenting" the growth of these flowers in my backyard. they're soo cute! but my sister thinks i'm weird. haha. oh well. fjdslkafjds. i guess i'm going to go be lazy and get fat, sitting in front of the tv, stuffing my face.
Friday, March 7, 2008
blackouts.
AHH! they are the scariest things ever! well, todays friday, finally. we had our renaissance rally, wohoo! :] i think that this was the best one yet; it was so cool. we had the "do you know the lyrics" and it was so fun just singing along and laughing. then we had "PROJECT RENAISSANCE" which was just like project runway (kinda), and Pachia was the winner! her dress was really cute. i would've totally bought it if it was sold in stores...only, i wouldn't want it glued together with super glue. LOL. but anyyway. yesterday...we had a blackout at school! it was soo scary. there i was just trying to develop pictures in the darkroom when the red light turns black and i was thinking that it burnt out or something. then the lights flickered and everything went totally black. tafoya came in and "rescued" us but there wasn't enough room in the capsule, so one person had to stay behind. and let me just say thank god that person wasn't me! haha. but we went back in to get our stuff and i nearly blinded everyone with the flash on my phone. then walking to second period was a major pain. everything was in chaos and it was pitch black. but upstairs wasn't so bad; we had skylights. so that's cool. anywayyy. the end to my very adventurous day was going all the way to border's to exchange my chuck palahniuk books for anne lamott (which pachia referred me to.) palahniuk was too graphic for me, but lamott is too into detail. ahh! what will i do? i frantically raced to finish in time today. let me say that i will never procrastinate so much in my life again! anyway, i have a really bad pain in my leg, so i think i'll just get some sleep.
Monday, February 18, 2008
ten ten.
Write 10 things about 10 people without saying their names. Say something you would want them to know but wouldnt tell them.
1. there are so many things to say. well first of all, i'm sorry that we fell out of touch. but maybe we just weren't meant to be "bffs." well, on your part, really. no matter how hard i tried, it seemed to me like you kept on screwing it up on purpose; like our friendship meant nothing to you. maybe our friendship didn't mean to you what it did to me. you were the person who i confided everything to. and up to a point, it actually seemed like you cared. then slowly, slowly we drifted apart. maybe it was my fault and i wasn't trying hard enough. but in a way, a friendship is like a relationship and both parties have to give a little something. it's all so confusing. i think that maybe i was the one who made the mistake and wasn't willing to let go of so many memories we both left behind. but, i had always thought that our friend ship was stronger than that. i remember the time we both said that even though we'd be going to different schools, being separated for the first time since fourth grade, we'd still be bffs. i guess we both just gave up on that, little by little.
2. when i first met you, i remember my first thoughts. in fact, i remember almost everything that has to do with you. it may sound a little weird, but you have to understand that i was a bit...infatuated with you. in some ways, i believe that i still am. but then the fog begins to clear and everything that i've blocked from my brain rushes back at me and it hurts. i really thought that there was something there. but then again, i've always been the hopeless romantic, searching for the impossible. my young, undeveloped brain just couldn't understand the mood transformations you went through. one day you were my knight in shining armor; making me laugh and feel beautiful and i remembered thinking that every girl should have someone like you because then they'd feel special. like they were the only person that you had ever loved. days passed and then i gave in. i fell for your charms and it nearly ruined everything in my life. when i look back on it, i have no regrets about anything that happened. but then i see your face and a wave a sadness rushes over me and i wonder why you just can't remember how much fun we used to have.
3. you know what's weird? i hardly know you, but i know you. sometimes i feel like i'm more comfortable when i talk to you than when i talk to anyone else. but lately, you've been gone. like some huge part of my life has been ripped out of me, thus taking my hope with it. i miss you like crazy and it may sound like i'm crazy, but i'm not. you were there for me when really, no one else was. you say all the silliest things just to make me laugh; i dont' know how i would've gotten through anything without you. but, i think it's a good thing that you've been gone. it means that you're living your life. you're getting started with your dream. i know you didn't want it this way, but we all have to start out somewhere, right? just know that you have probably been one of the few people who have touched my heart (as lame as that sounds) and i will never forget you. i hope you won't forget me either and that you'll invite me to your wedding, all expenses paid. hahaa. you are such a cutie pie! and i'm going to say it, even though i know you "banned" my from saying it. i hope that one day, you will finish that song we've been talking about and you'll play it for me. :] but firstly, i just want you to be happy.
4. thank you for being in my life. i know that there are a lot of things that we don't tell each other but i still feel that we can't possibly be any closer. though this year been so hectic and crazy, i'm glad that we still talk. i thought we lost it for a little while there, but we both needed time to fix our crazy lives. i'm sorry i couldn't help you in your time of need, even though you said i did. i wish i could tell you everything, but i just don't want to put an even bigger weight on your shoulders. you've done enough for me by just being there. i know you think that a lot of people don't approve of your decision, but just do what makes you happy. in time, you'll find that all your true friends will still be next to you. don't dwell on the past and be sad. you have a great life in front of you with people who love you. i know you can do great things.
5. hi. sorry i've been so terrible to you. i've tried my hardest to reconcile things and though we're on a talking basis now, i feel like things could never be what they used to. we'll never have that casual banter back. or the silly name calling. or those late night iMs. even though it's a little awkward now, just know that i will always love you.
6. you know, sometimes i act silly and i act like i'm always happy. that's probably why you feel like you can always come to me. i don't mind that, really. but sometimes...it irritates me the way you expect so much and give so little. i know you get irritated with me too, and that's okay. we all just need a little breather once in a while.
7. this will probably come off as harsh and unsensitive, but i think it's right for you to know what i think, and what others do too. we all want you to be happy even though you're convinced we don't. it's just that some of the the decisions you've made haven't been the wisest. i'm the last person you'd want to hear it from, but i'm disappointed in you. time and time again, i thought that you would learn from your mistakes and be better. but you just keep doing it over and over. i'm disappointed to see that you're not trying. you're not making an effort to be any better when i know that deep, deep down, there is someone better. it also angers me because i don't see any change in you. with this newfound responsibility, you were supposed to change and become more open hearted and think with an open mind. but you've been the complete opposite. your jealousy and rage need to be controlled. it angers me everytime you're disrespectful and ungrateful to those who have helped you the most. then you show even more disrespect by running to the person who has hurt you the most. they feed you the bullshit and you eat it like you're a starving animal. why can't you just ever stop and see through it all? i just want you to do better. i want you to be better. i know you can. i hope you can. but do you know that you can?
8. you are my hero. i know you get disappointed in me sometimes and i get disappointed in myself for disappointing you. but i'm trying. i'm trying to be a better person. i'm trying to be half the person you are.
9. i'm sorry that one misunderstanding led to the disinigration of our friendship early on in the days. i never meant to hurt you, but you probably hated me anyways. you should've talked to me about it, but i was probably the last person that you wanted to see. i'm glad we got past that, but sometimes i think that you're still hurt. you joke about it occasionally, and i feel like i can still see an open wound in your eyes. i'm so sorry for all the pain it's caused you and the time it took for you to heal. things will get better now, i promise.
10. thank you, thank you, thank you! you've not only inspired some of the greatest and cutest drawings of my life, but you've also been there to listen to all my ranting and raving. even through that, we've had some preeety good laughs, so i'm sure that we'll be friends in the long run. and thank you for introducing me to the best book of my life (currently.) it gives me hope that true love never dies and that chivalry still exists.
1. there are so many things to say. well first of all, i'm sorry that we fell out of touch. but maybe we just weren't meant to be "bffs." well, on your part, really. no matter how hard i tried, it seemed to me like you kept on screwing it up on purpose; like our friendship meant nothing to you. maybe our friendship didn't mean to you what it did to me. you were the person who i confided everything to. and up to a point, it actually seemed like you cared. then slowly, slowly we drifted apart. maybe it was my fault and i wasn't trying hard enough. but in a way, a friendship is like a relationship and both parties have to give a little something. it's all so confusing. i think that maybe i was the one who made the mistake and wasn't willing to let go of so many memories we both left behind. but, i had always thought that our friend ship was stronger than that. i remember the time we both said that even though we'd be going to different schools, being separated for the first time since fourth grade, we'd still be bffs. i guess we both just gave up on that, little by little.
2. when i first met you, i remember my first thoughts. in fact, i remember almost everything that has to do with you. it may sound a little weird, but you have to understand that i was a bit...infatuated with you. in some ways, i believe that i still am. but then the fog begins to clear and everything that i've blocked from my brain rushes back at me and it hurts. i really thought that there was something there. but then again, i've always been the hopeless romantic, searching for the impossible. my young, undeveloped brain just couldn't understand the mood transformations you went through. one day you were my knight in shining armor; making me laugh and feel beautiful and i remembered thinking that every girl should have someone like you because then they'd feel special. like they were the only person that you had ever loved. days passed and then i gave in. i fell for your charms and it nearly ruined everything in my life. when i look back on it, i have no regrets about anything that happened. but then i see your face and a wave a sadness rushes over me and i wonder why you just can't remember how much fun we used to have.
3. you know what's weird? i hardly know you, but i know you. sometimes i feel like i'm more comfortable when i talk to you than when i talk to anyone else. but lately, you've been gone. like some huge part of my life has been ripped out of me, thus taking my hope with it. i miss you like crazy and it may sound like i'm crazy, but i'm not. you were there for me when really, no one else was. you say all the silliest things just to make me laugh; i dont' know how i would've gotten through anything without you. but, i think it's a good thing that you've been gone. it means that you're living your life. you're getting started with your dream. i know you didn't want it this way, but we all have to start out somewhere, right? just know that you have probably been one of the few people who have touched my heart (as lame as that sounds) and i will never forget you. i hope you won't forget me either and that you'll invite me to your wedding, all expenses paid. hahaa. you are such a cutie pie! and i'm going to say it, even though i know you "banned" my from saying it. i hope that one day, you will finish that song we've been talking about and you'll play it for me. :] but firstly, i just want you to be happy.
4. thank you for being in my life. i know that there are a lot of things that we don't tell each other but i still feel that we can't possibly be any closer. though this year been so hectic and crazy, i'm glad that we still talk. i thought we lost it for a little while there, but we both needed time to fix our crazy lives. i'm sorry i couldn't help you in your time of need, even though you said i did. i wish i could tell you everything, but i just don't want to put an even bigger weight on your shoulders. you've done enough for me by just being there. i know you think that a lot of people don't approve of your decision, but just do what makes you happy. in time, you'll find that all your true friends will still be next to you. don't dwell on the past and be sad. you have a great life in front of you with people who love you. i know you can do great things.
5. hi. sorry i've been so terrible to you. i've tried my hardest to reconcile things and though we're on a talking basis now, i feel like things could never be what they used to. we'll never have that casual banter back. or the silly name calling. or those late night iMs. even though it's a little awkward now, just know that i will always love you.
6. you know, sometimes i act silly and i act like i'm always happy. that's probably why you feel like you can always come to me. i don't mind that, really. but sometimes...it irritates me the way you expect so much and give so little. i know you get irritated with me too, and that's okay. we all just need a little breather once in a while.
7. this will probably come off as harsh and unsensitive, but i think it's right for you to know what i think, and what others do too. we all want you to be happy even though you're convinced we don't. it's just that some of the the decisions you've made haven't been the wisest. i'm the last person you'd want to hear it from, but i'm disappointed in you. time and time again, i thought that you would learn from your mistakes and be better. but you just keep doing it over and over. i'm disappointed to see that you're not trying. you're not making an effort to be any better when i know that deep, deep down, there is someone better. it also angers me because i don't see any change in you. with this newfound responsibility, you were supposed to change and become more open hearted and think with an open mind. but you've been the complete opposite. your jealousy and rage need to be controlled. it angers me everytime you're disrespectful and ungrateful to those who have helped you the most. then you show even more disrespect by running to the person who has hurt you the most. they feed you the bullshit and you eat it like you're a starving animal. why can't you just ever stop and see through it all? i just want you to do better. i want you to be better. i know you can. i hope you can. but do you know that you can?
8. you are my hero. i know you get disappointed in me sometimes and i get disappointed in myself for disappointing you. but i'm trying. i'm trying to be a better person. i'm trying to be half the person you are.
9. i'm sorry that one misunderstanding led to the disinigration of our friendship early on in the days. i never meant to hurt you, but you probably hated me anyways. you should've talked to me about it, but i was probably the last person that you wanted to see. i'm glad we got past that, but sometimes i think that you're still hurt. you joke about it occasionally, and i feel like i can still see an open wound in your eyes. i'm so sorry for all the pain it's caused you and the time it took for you to heal. things will get better now, i promise.
10. thank you, thank you, thank you! you've not only inspired some of the greatest and cutest drawings of my life, but you've also been there to listen to all my ranting and raving. even through that, we've had some preeety good laughs, so i'm sure that we'll be friends in the long run. and thank you for introducing me to the best book of my life (currently.) it gives me hope that true love never dies and that chivalry still exists.
Monday, February 11, 2008
a reminder of why we have to cherish life and the people who are in it
DAVIE, Fla. - Kim Sjostrom wanted a real-life version of the film "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," which played in the background as friends fixed her hair and makeup before her own marriage ceremony.
But less than an hour after she and Teddy Efkarpides were wed, Sjostrom crumpled in her husband's arms during a Greek song that means "Love Me."
At 36, Sjostrom was dead from heart disease.
The wedding had became a project at Davie Elementary School, where Sjostrom taught first grade. Fellow teachers provided the wedding gown, the flowers and decorations. One of them, an ordained minister, performed the ceremony.
"It was perfect for her," said Dominic Church, the minister friend.
Sjostrom carried blue and white flowers during the ceremony — the colors of the Greek flag — as she exchanged vows with Efkarpides, a 43-year-old carpenter and Navy veteran. They had met three years to the day before the Jan. 19 wedding.
During the couple's first dance, Sjostrom complained of being lightheaded. Efkarpides thought his wife, a diabetic, needed sugar, but she collapsed.
Wedding guests, paramedics and doctors at a nearby hospital were unable to revive her.
She had a previous cardiac episode in her 20s and was a poster child — literally — for juvenile diabetes, relatives and friends said. Efkarpides recalled seeing the poster featuring her on New York subways.
He consoles himself by reading a list of "101 Reasons Why I Love You" that Sjostrom gave him their first Christmas together. "Number 1. You make me smile."
No. 98 is especially difficult: "You're the one I want to grow old with."
But less than an hour after she and Teddy Efkarpides were wed, Sjostrom crumpled in her husband's arms during a Greek song that means "Love Me."
At 36, Sjostrom was dead from heart disease.
The wedding had became a project at Davie Elementary School, where Sjostrom taught first grade. Fellow teachers provided the wedding gown, the flowers and decorations. One of them, an ordained minister, performed the ceremony.
"It was perfect for her," said Dominic Church, the minister friend.
Sjostrom carried blue and white flowers during the ceremony — the colors of the Greek flag — as she exchanged vows with Efkarpides, a 43-year-old carpenter and Navy veteran. They had met three years to the day before the Jan. 19 wedding.
During the couple's first dance, Sjostrom complained of being lightheaded. Efkarpides thought his wife, a diabetic, needed sugar, but she collapsed.
Wedding guests, paramedics and doctors at a nearby hospital were unable to revive her.
She had a previous cardiac episode in her 20s and was a poster child — literally — for juvenile diabetes, relatives and friends said. Efkarpides recalled seeing the poster featuring her on New York subways.
He consoles himself by reading a list of "101 Reasons Why I Love You" that Sjostrom gave him their first Christmas together. "Number 1. You make me smile."
No. 98 is especially difficult: "You're the one I want to grow old with."
Sunday, February 3, 2008
worries.
a wave of panic seized me and hit me with an impetuous of a mack truck going 80 on the highway. tears sprang to my eyes and i couldn't even remember how to breathe. i lost control of everything, yet the only think i could think of was "please keep my baby safe." it was irrational, yes; but i couldn't stop myself from getting angry. it was the single-most selfish thing i've ever witnessed. how could they put their own desires in front of their child's safety? it was ridiculous and yet, i couldn't stop them from going. i mean, who was i to try and stop them from taking their own child? and still i felt more like a paternal figure than them. this was getting out of hand, and people were offering their sympathies with their "i'm sorries" and "i hope you feel better." it does, but it doesn't. no one really understands unless they've experienced this whole fiasco first hand. it just doesn't get any worse than this.
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