ten ten.

Write 10 things about 10 people without saying their names. Say something you would want them to know but wouldnt tell them.

1. there are so many things to say. well first of all, i'm sorry that we fell out of touch. but maybe we just weren't meant to be "bffs." well, on your part, really. no matter how hard i tried, it seemed to me like you kept on screwing it up on purpose; like our friendship meant nothing to you. maybe our friendship didn't mean to you what it did to me. you were the person who i confided everything to. and up to a point, it actually seemed like you cared. then slowly, slowly we drifted apart. maybe it was my fault and i wasn't trying hard enough. but in a way, a friendship is like a relationship and both parties have to give a little something. it's all so confusing. i think that maybe i was the one who made the mistake and wasn't willing to let go of so many memories we both left behind. but, i had always thought that our friend ship was stronger than that. i remember the time we both said that even though we'd be going to different schools, being separated for the first time since fourth grade, we'd still be bffs. i guess we both just gave up on that, little by little.

2. when i first met you, i remember my first thoughts. in fact, i remember almost everything that has to do with you. it may sound a little weird, but you have to understand that i was a bit...infatuated with you. in some ways, i believe that i still am. but then the fog begins to clear and everything that i've blocked from my brain rushes back at me and it hurts. i really thought that there was something there. but then again, i've always been the hopeless romantic, searching for the impossible. my young, undeveloped brain just couldn't understand the mood transformations you went through. one day you were my knight in shining armor; making me laugh and feel beautiful and i remembered thinking that every girl should have someone like you because then they'd feel special. like they were the only person that you had ever loved. days passed and then i gave in. i fell for your charms and it nearly ruined everything in my life. when i look back on it, i have no regrets about anything that happened. but then i see your face and a wave a sadness rushes over me and i wonder why you just can't remember how much fun we used to have.

3. you know what's weird? i hardly know you, but i know you. sometimes i feel like i'm more comfortable when i talk to you than when i talk to anyone else. but lately, you've been gone. like some huge part of my life has been ripped out of me, thus taking my hope with it. i miss you like crazy and it may sound like i'm crazy, but i'm not. you were there for me when really, no one else was. you say all the silliest things just to make me laugh; i dont' know how i would've gotten through anything without you. but, i think it's a good thing that you've been gone. it means that you're living your life. you're getting started with your dream. i know you didn't want it this way, but we all have to start out somewhere, right? just know that you have probably been one of the few people who have touched my heart (as lame as that sounds) and i will never forget you. i hope you won't forget me either and that you'll invite me to your wedding, all expenses paid. hahaa. you are such a cutie pie! and i'm going to say it, even though i know you "banned" my from saying it. i hope that one day, you will finish that song we've been talking about and you'll play it for me. :] but firstly, i just want you to be happy.

4. thank you for being in my life. i know that there are a lot of things that we don't tell each other but i still feel that we can't possibly be any closer. though this year been so hectic and crazy, i'm glad that we still talk. i thought we lost it for a little while there, but we both needed time to fix our crazy lives. i'm sorry i couldn't help you in your time of need, even though you said i did. i wish i could tell you everything, but i just don't want to put an even bigger weight on your shoulders. you've done enough for me by just being there. i know you think that a lot of people don't approve of your decision, but just do what makes you happy. in time, you'll find that all your true friends will still be next to you. don't dwell on the past and be sad. you have a great life in front of you with people who love you. i know you can do great things.

5. hi. sorry i've been so terrible to you. i've tried my hardest to reconcile things and though we're on a talking basis now, i feel like things could never be what they used to. we'll never have that casual banter back. or the silly name calling. or those late night iMs. even though it's a little awkward now, just know that i will always love you.

6. you know, sometimes i act silly and i act like i'm always happy. that's probably why you feel like you can always come to me. i don't mind that, really. but sometimes...it irritates me the way you expect so much and give so little. i know you get irritated with me too, and that's okay. we all just need a little breather once in a while.

7. this will probably come off as harsh and unsensitive, but i think it's right for you to know what i think, and what others do too. we all want you to be happy even though you're convinced we don't. it's just that some of the the decisions you've made haven't been the wisest. i'm the last person you'd want to hear it from, but i'm disappointed in you. time and time again, i thought that you would learn from your mistakes and be better. but you just keep doing it over and over. i'm disappointed to see that you're not trying. you're not making an effort to be any better when i know that deep, deep down, there is someone better. it also angers me because i don't see any change in you. with this newfound responsibility, you were supposed to change and become more open hearted and think with an open mind. but you've been the complete opposite. your jealousy and rage need to be controlled. it angers me everytime you're disrespectful and ungrateful to those who have helped you the most. then you show even more disrespect by running to the person who has hurt you the most. they feed you the bullshit and you eat it like you're a starving animal. why can't you just ever stop and see through it all? i just want you to do better. i want you to be better. i know you can. i hope you can. but do you know that you can?

8. you are my hero. i know you get disappointed in me sometimes and i get disappointed in myself for disappointing you. but i'm trying. i'm trying to be a better person. i'm trying to be half the person you are.

9. i'm sorry that one misunderstanding led to the disinigration of our friendship early on in the days. i never meant to hurt you, but you probably hated me anyways. you should've talked to me about it, but i was probably the last person that you wanted to see. i'm glad we got past that, but sometimes i think that you're still hurt. you joke about it occasionally, and i feel like i can still see an open wound in your eyes. i'm so sorry for all the pain it's caused you and the time it took for you to heal. things will get better now, i promise.

10. thank you, thank you, thank you! you've not only inspired some of the greatest and cutest drawings of my life, but you've also been there to listen to all my ranting and raving. even through that, we've had some preeety good laughs, so i'm sure that we'll be friends in the long run. and thank you for introducing me to the best book of my life (currently.) it gives me hope that true love never dies and that chivalry still exists.